Verona: I feel so ugly.
Burt: No, no, no. Don’t be sad! You’re not that big. You’re still super-sexy. Hot, even. I’ll always love you. Even if you’re enormous. Even if it takes you months to lose this weight. A year. Even if you gain weight after having the baby. Even if you gain so much weight that I can’t find your vagina! You go ahead and write that in stone in your heart. I will love you. Even if I can’t find your vagina.
Ben Stiller in a good movie? Could it be?
You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d’oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, “Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller.”
Operator: 911 Emergency.
Ben: I need an ambulance.
Operator: I have you at 9212 W. Third St. in Los Angeles.
Ben: Yes, room number 2.
Operator: What’s the emergency?
Ben: There’s been a suicide.
Operator: Who’s the victim?
Ben: I am.
